Caring for someone with dementia is a journey filled with challenges, learning, and profound moments of connection. One of the most delicate aspects of this care involves communication. Words can have a profound impact, and when it comes to dementia, certain phrases can be more harmful than helpful.

Understanding what not to say to a person living with dementia is crucial for maintaining their dignity, comfort, and emotional well-being, so let’s look at some common questions that can lead to upset and discuss some other communication tactics that will help both the loved one and their carers.

"Don’t You Remember?"

Asking someone with dementia if they remember a person, place, or event can lead to frustration and sadness. Memory loss is a central symptom of dementia, and being reminded of this loss can be distressing. Instead, share stories and memories without expecting them to recall the details, allowing them to engage with the conversation at their own pace.

"You're Wrong"

Correcting a person with dementia can lead to embarrassment and a sense of inadequacy. It's important to remember that their reality may be different due to the changes in their brain. Instead of correcting them, try to validate their feelings and experiences. This approach fosters a sense of security and understanding.

"I Just Told You That"

Repetition is common in dementia due to short-term memory loss. It might be frustrating to repeat yourself, but it's important to exercise patience. Instead of expressing frustration, gently respond as if it's the first time you're having the conversation. This preserves their dignity and avoids making them feel embarrassed.

"You Can't Do That, Let Me Help"

While it's natural to want to help, taking over tasks can make a person with dementia feel incompetent. It's essential to promote independence for as long as possible. Offer assistance in a way that supports their abilities, using phrases like, "Let's do this together," which encourages collaboration rather than dependency.

"What Did You Do Today?"

For someone with dementia, recalling recent events can be challenging and asking them about their day can be confusing. Instead, focus on the present moment. Engage in activities or discussions that don't rely heavily on recent memory, like listening to music or looking at old photographs, which can stimulate long-term memory and provide comfort.

"This Is Your Grandchild, Don't You Remember?"

Introducing family members as if they should be remembered can lead to anxiety and stress for someone with dementia. It's better to introduce family members by name and relation each time they visit, without the expectation of recognition. This approach reduces pressure and can create a more positive and relaxed interaction.

"You Used to Love Doing This"

People's preferences and abilities can change as dementia progresses. Reminding them of past interests might highlight their current limitations. Instead, focus on finding new activities that align with their current abilities and interests, which can lead to joy and engagement in the moment.

Communicating with someone living with dementia requires patience, empathy, and a deep understanding of their unique experience. By avoiding phrases that highlight limitations or evoke distress, caregivers can create a supportive environment that respects the individual's dignity and fosters positive interactions.

Remember, it's not just about choosing the right words; it's about conveying love, respect, and understanding through every interaction.